Dear Family and Friends,
This letter finds you at a unique crossroad. Someone you love—your son, daughter, sibling, or friend—has embarked on one of the most challenging journeys in India: the UPSC Civil Services Examination. You see them buried under books, consumed by current affairs, and riding a rollercoaster of emotions you might not fully understand.
From the outside, it might look like an obsession. But from where we at Fortune IAS Academy stand, having guided countless aspirants, we know it’s a dream. And behind every dreamer striving toward this noble goal, there are silent pillars—you—holding them up.
Your role is perhaps the most crucial, and yet, the most unacknowledged. This journey is as much yours as it is theirs. So, how can you be the steady anchor in this stormy sea? Let’s talk.
1. Understand the Nature of the Beast
UPSC is not just another exam. It’s a marathon that lasts 1-2 years, or more. It tests not just knowledge, but patience, resilience, and character. The syllabus is vast, the competition is fierce, and the uncertainty is a constant companion.
What you can do: Try to understand the process. Ask them to explain the three stages—Prelims, Mains, and the Interview. A little context about what they are going through will help you appreciate the pressure they are under. You don’t need to know the details of the Constitution, but knowing the structure of the fight is half the battle.
2. Your Unwavering Belief is Their Fuel
There will be days when they feel like a failure. A low mock test score or a difficult concept can shatter their confidence. In these moments, your belief in them becomes their oxygen.
What you can do: Be their cheerleader. Remind them of their strengths. Tell them, “I believe in you,” even when they don’t believe in themselves. Your faith is the shield that protects them from their own doubts.
3. Create a Sanctuary, Not a Pressure Cooker
Home should be their safe space, a place to recharge. It should not mirror the pressure of the exam hall.
What you can do:
Avoid constant questioning: “How much have you studied?” can feel like a judgment. Instead, try “How are you feeling today?”
Manage your expectations: Please don’t introduce them as “My future IAS officer.” This adds immense pressure. Let them be your child/sibling/friend first.
Offer quiet support: A cup of tea when they are studying late, managing noise levels, or simply giving them their space—these small acts speak volumes.
4. Listen, Don’t Always Advise
Sometimes, they don’t need a solution. They just need to vent. The journey can be incredibly lonely.
What you can do: Be an active listener. Let them talk about their fears and frustrations without immediately jumping in with advice like “You should study more” or “Just focus.” Often, a sympathetic ear is the best therapy.
5. Encourage Balance (Gently)
An aspirant might forget to live while preparing for life. They might neglect their health, hobbies, and social connections. While dedication is key, burnout is a real enemy.
What you can do: Gently pull them out of their shell. Insist on a family meal. Encourage a short walk. Watch a movie together on a Sunday. These breaks are not distractions; they are essential for maintaining long-term mental stamina.
6. Be Their Shield, Not Just Their Bridge
For many aspirants, the journey is a private battle. It is absolutely valid, and often wise, for them not to reveal their UPSC preparation to the wider world. The constant questions, “well-meaning” advice, and measuring glances from relatives and society can become a significant source of stress and distraction.
Your role is to be their protective shield and respect their choice for privacy. Home should be their confidential sanctuary.
What you can do:
- Respect Their Privacy, Absolutely: If they have chosen not to publicly disclose their UPSC journey, stand firmly with that decision. Do not reveal their plans to extended family, friends, or neighbors, even casually. This is their story to tell, and your discretion is the ultimate form of trust.
-
Become Their Diplomatic Spokesperson: In social settings like family functions or weddings, you are their first line of defense. If they choose not to attend, support them without question. For inquiries about their career, have a simple, neutral script ready: “They are currently focusing on specialized higher studies/ a professional project,” or “They are exploring some great opportunities and we fully support their focus.” This shields them from prying questions and legitimizes their time without inviting further scrutiny.
-
Manage the Environment at Home: When relatives visit, gently steer conversations away from your aspirant’s future plans. Your proactive defense prevents these interactions from creating anxiety and self-doubt, allowing them to study in peace.
By guarding their privacy, you give them the priceless gift of a low-pressure environment, allowing them to channel all their energy into their preparation without the weight of the world’s expectations.
A Special Note on Being Their Anchor After a Setback
When the result is not what they hoped for, the wisdom of their private journey becomes even clearer. There is no public “failure” to explain, only a personal experience to learn from. Your role as a confidential confidant is more critical than ever.
-
What you can do:
-
Honour the Silence: Since the journey was private, the setback can be private too. There is no need to announce the result or explain anything to anyone. This protects their morale and mental peace immensely.
-
Reframe the Narrative for Them: In private, remind them that this was never about anyone else. Tell them, “Your decision to keep this private was right. This is your path, and I’m proud of the strength and knowledge you’ve gained. We are with you, whatever you decide next, no questions asked.”
-
By honouring their need for privacy, you are not just shielding them from society; you are empowering them to own their journey completely, free from external judgment.
To Conclude…
From all of us at Fortune IAS Academy, we see you. We see the parents who worry silently, the siblings who tiptoe around the house, and the friends who make excuses for their absence. Your sacrifice is quiet, but its impact is deafening.
You are the wind beneath their wings. You are the silent pillars holding up a dream. And when the result day comes, regardless of the outcome, a large part of the credit for their strength and perseverance will belong to you.
With immense gratitude,
Team Fortune IAS Academy